Archive - Mar 2009

When I read this, this came to mind.  It's just something about the way Murtha and Plunkitt decide how and when to split the hairs of just what is honest corruption and what isn't.  I'll let you, my devoted Cake Eater readers, be the judge as to whether the comparison is germane.

Ahem.  Let's George Washington Plunkitt, former alderman in New York City, circa 1900, do the talking...

EVERYBODY is talkin’ these days about Tammany men growin’ rich on graft, but nobody thinks of drawin’ the distinction between honest graft and dishonest graft. There’s all the difference in the world between the two. Yes, many of our men have grown rich in politics. I have myself. I’ve made a big fortune out of the game, and I’m gettin’ richer every day, but I’ve not gone in for dishonest graft – blackmailin’ gamblers, saloonkeepers, disorderly people, etc. – and neither has any of the men who have made big fortunes in politics.

There’s an honest graft, and I’m an example of how it works. I might sum up the whole thing by sayin’: “I seen my opportunities and I took ‘em.”

Just let me explain by examples. My party’s in power in the city, and it’s goin’ to undertake a lot of public improvements. Well, I’m tipped off, say, that they’re going to lay out a new park at a certain place.

I see my opportunity and I take it. I go to that place and I buy up all the land I can in the neighborhood. Then the board of this or that makes its plan public, and there is a rush to get my land, which nobody cared particular for before.

Ain’t it perfectly honest to charge a good price and make a profit on my investment and foresight? Of course, it is. Well, that’s honest graft.

Or supposin’ it’s a new bridge they’re goin’ to build. I get tipped off and I buy as much property as I can that has to be taken for approaches. I sell at my own price later on and drop some more money in the bank.

Wouldn’t you? It’s just like lookin’ ahead in Wall Street or in the coffee or cotton market. It’s honest graft, and I’m lookin’ for it every day in the year. I will tell you frankly that I’ve got a good lot of it, too.

I’ll tell you of one case. They were goin’ to fix up a big park, no matter where. I got on to it, and went lookin’ about for land in that neighborhood.

I could get nothin’ at a bargain but a big piece of swamp, but I took it fast enough and held on to it. What turned out was just what I counted on. They couldn’t make the park complete without Plunkitt’s swamp, and they had to pay a good price for it. Anything dishonest in that?

Up in the watershed I made some money, too. I bought up several bits of land there some years ago and made a pretty good guess that they would be bought up for water purposes later by the city.

Somehow, I always guessed about right, and shouldn’t I enjoy the profit of my foresight? It was rather amusin’ when the condemnation commissioners came along and found piece after piece of the land in the name of George Plunkitt of the Fifteenth Assembly District, New York City. They wondered how I knew just what to buy. The answer is – I seen my opportunity and I took it. I haven’t confined myself to land; anything that pays is in my line.

For instance, the city is repavin’ a street and has several hundred thousand old granite blocks to sell. I am on hand to buy, and I know just what they are worth.

How? Never mind that. I had a sort of monopoly of this business for a while, but once a newspaper tried to do me. It got some outside men to come over from Brooklyn and New Jersey to bid against me.

Was I done? Not much. I went to each of the men and said: “How many of these 250,000 stories do you want?” One said 20,000, and another wanted 15,000, and other wanted 10,000. I said: “All right, let me bid for the lot, and I’ll give each of you all you want for nothin’.”

They agreed, of course. Then the auctioneer yelled: “How much am I bid for these 250,000 fine pavin’ stones?”

“Two dollars and fifty cents,” says I.

“Two dollars and fifty cents!” screamed the auctioneer. “Oh, that’s a joke! Give me a real bid.”

He found the bid was real enough. My rivals stood silent. I got the lot for $2.50 and gave them their share. That’s how the attempt to do Plunkitt ended, and that’s how all such attempts end.

I’ve told you how I got rich by honest graft. Now, let me tell you that most politicians who are accused of robbin’ the city get rich the same way.

They didn’t steal a dollar from the city treasury. They just seen their opportunities and took them. That is why, when a reform administration comes in and spends a half million dollars in tryin’ to find the public robberies they talked about in the campaign, they don’t find them.

The books are always all right. The money in the city treasury is all right. Everything is all right. All they can show is that the Tammany heads of departments looked after their friends, within the law, and gave them what opportunities they could to make honest graft. Now, let me tell you that’s never goin’ to hurt Tammany with the people. Every good man looks after his friends, and any man who doesn’t isn’t likely to be popular. If I have a good thing to hand out in private life, I give it to a friend – Why shouldn’t I do the same in public life?

Another kind of honest graft. Tammany has raised a good many salaries. There was an awful howl by the reformers, but don’t you know that Tammany gains ten votes for every one it lost by salary raisin’?

The Wall Street banker thinks it shameful to raise a department clerk’s salary from $1500 to $1800 a year, but every man who draws a salary himself says: “That’s all right. I wish it was me.” And he feels very much like votin’ the Tammany ticket on election day, just out of sympathy.

Tammany was beat in 1901 because the people were deceived into believin’ that it worked dishonest graft. They didn’t draw a distinction between dishonest and honest graft, but they saw that some Tammany men grew rich, and supposed they had been robbin’ the city treasury or levyin’ blackmail on disorderly houses, or workin’ in with the gamblers and lawbreakers.

As a matter of policy, if nothing else, why should the Tammany leaders go into such dirty business, when there is so much honest graft lyin’ around when they are in power? Did you ever consider that?

Now, in conclusion, I want to say that I don’t own a dishonest dollar. If my worst enemy was given the job of writin’ my epitaph when I’m gone, he couldn’t do more than write:

“George W. Plunkitt. He Seen His Opportunities, and He Took ‘Em.”

---Chapter One, Plunkitt of Tammany Hall, by William L. Riordan.

One wonders what Murtha considers to be dishonest graft.

So, anyone else find it just a wee bit ironic, that after the Chosen One rambled on and on during the election about how Afghanistan is the war we're supposed to be fighting, that when he gets his chance to solve the problem, on top of the two divisions he's already sending in, he settles for sending in 4,000 military trainers, to train and hundreds of civilians "advisers"?  That this is his solution to the problem, when he'd sneer if any other NATO country offered up this kind of paltry help?

Yeah, I know.  I don't really find it all that ironic either. 

One Malawian baby girl, named Mercy James.  And guess who the highest bidder is?  Madonna.

Madonna's bid to adopt a second Malawian child, a baby girl called Mercy James, will be examined by a court in the southern African country next week, officials said on Friday.

The 14-month-old would be a sister for Madonna's three children including David, whose adoption by the U.S. pop star aroused controversy, and comes from the same orphanage.

"Her name is Mercy James from Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage. She has no father and mother, they both died... We finished the assessment yesterday in readiness for the courts next week," an official at the ministry of Gender and Child Development told Reuters.

Court clerks confirmed the name of the child and said that Madonna or her associates were expected to appear in court next Monday for the adoption proceedings. She is expected to arrive in Malawi over the weekend, officials said.

Some Malawians opposed David's adoption, accusing the government of skirting laws that ban non-residents from adopting children in Malawi, which has been badly hit by an AIDS epidemic.

Mavuto Bamusi, national coordinator for the 60-member Human Rights Consultative Committee, told Reuters that this adoption would also violate the country's laws.

"As far as we are concerned, nothing has changed in terms of adoption laws in the country," he said.

Didja get that?  Adoption is banned in Malawi for non-residents.  I sincerely doubt Madonna is a resident of Malawi.  It would be beneath her to move there, and set up a mansion amidst the mud huts.  After all, that would look bad.  But, apparently, it's all right for her to swoop in and arrange to adopt a child, despite the fact the laws of the country forbid her from doing so.  You want to know how she's doing this?  Cash money, under the table.  Do I have any proof of this?  No, but this is how it's done.  She bribed someone.  Or rather "her associates" did it.  I doubt she could be bothered to tear herself away from her daily four-hour workouts, where she earns her Skeletor arms, to spread the cash around herself.  

But it gets even better, because, according to the BBC, she claims that, and I quote:

{...}After {her son, David's}the adoption was legalised, Madonna said the difficulties had arisen because "this adoption essentially was the beginning of the creation of adoption laws in Malawi".

She hoped it would make it easier for others to adopt from the country and explained: "I am the template or the role model, so to speak, for future adoptions."{...}

So, bribery is the template for future adoptions?  Geez, Madonna, talk about having a huge head.  Because there is nothing original or "role-model"-ish about bribing foreign officials to look the other way when it comes to a country's adoption laws.  That she would make the claim that she's trying to make it easier for others to adopt a child from Malawi is beyond the pale.  Beyond. The.  Pale.

I sincerely doubt Madonna is capable of shame at this late date, but she should be ashamed of herself.  She wants another baby and she's got the cash to buy one, like this little girl was a Gucci bag, so, accordingly, she's plunked down a load of cash and by the end of next week, she'll have another child.  Who she won't be bothered to care for personally, but who will get their very own nanny, or two, and then will only be pulled out for photo-ops, you know, when Madonna needs to look motherly. 

Fucking bitch. 

You see, contrary to Madonna's claims, it's precisely this kind of behavior that makes it hard for the rest of us.  You know, the majority of us who aren't loaded.  We have to go through official channels to make an international adoption happen.  We have scrutiny applied to us by actual officials.  We have to pay to have a home study done; we have to pay to be scrutinized by an adoption agency who could just take the money and then say, no, we don't think you're equipped to adopt a child.  Sorry, there's no "money-back-guarantee" on that.  Yet, if you do get accepted, you have to submit your portfolio to one country, and one country only, where you'll have to wait, possibly for years, before a child will become available, particularly if you're looking to adopt an infant.  Then, if that happy day comes, you have to shell out for adoption fees, not only in your state and country, but also in the country you're adopting from.  Then there's the airfare, which, conveniently, is priced and run through the adoption agency you're working with, so there's not really any discounts there, ya dig.  Oh, and did I mention that you'll be paying not only for your airfare, but the child's as well, and your adoption counselor's, too.  Then, when you get home, there will be even more scrutiny applied, and if the counselors get a whiff that things are not going the least bit well, the child can be pulled from your custody and sent back from whence they came.  And then you'll have to start all over again.  And the fees start all over again, too.  Another homestudy.  Another portfolio.  In the same country, or a different one, where the fees might be even higher. 

Now, keep in mind, international adoptions are meant to be easier than domestic adoptions, because other countries have a tendency to keep in mind that people are not perfect, or loaded, whereas in America, we expect perfection of prospective parents, and if you don't have a living room that rivals the Taj Mahal's, or a bank account that rivals Madonna's, you're pretty much screwed. 

(And this is only if you haven't had cancer within the last five years.  Many adoption agencies wouldn't even work with me right now because I haven't been cancer free in the last five years.  Not all agencies are like this, but the majority of them do have this condition in place.  Never mind that many countries, which also have their own medical qualifications for prospective parents, don't allow cancer survivors to adopt at all.)

Then you have to factor in the fact that there is competition to adopt.  You have competition from other prospective parents.  But, more than that, countries will have competition from other countries, because adoption is a money-making venture for governments.  Not only do they get to get one more orphan off the books---one less mouth to feed and clothe and house and educate---they also make money on the fees.  And these are the legal fees.  When someone, like that scumbag, soulless, whore Madonna slips wads of cash under the table, it encourages a black market in babies.  Because, as much as I hate Madonna for resorting to buying a baby, she's hardly the first person to do this. And, has been proven in the past, encourages an environment of institutional corruption.  To their credit, many countries have worked very hard to eliminate corruption when it comes to the adoption process, but there are plenty of countries who haven't, either.  Do you honestly think that when some celebrity, like Madonna, or even Angelina and Brad, comes around, throwing cash willy nilly, it doesn't give certain people in the adoption racket certain ideas about what Americans are willing to pay out for babies?  Even if said celebrity means well, and donates money to an orphanage after they've adopted with a clean heart, do you honestly think that simple action is not giving people ideas about new revenue sources?  

For this bitch to claim that, by adopting a child from Malawi, she's actually paving the way for future adoptions is complete and utter bullshit.  She's simply going after what she wants.  And she'll get what she wants, which is another child, because she's got the cash in hand to get it done.  It may not be for another few years, but eventually the culture of corruption she has encouraged in Malawi with her payoffs, will screw the rest of us over.  It's not going to take long for the government in Malawi to realize this is a money-making venture.  If the government decides to open up international adoptions there, eventually, because of what she started and what the officials there will come to expect in terms of payoffs, that avenue will be closed, if not by the government of Malawi, but by the American Embassy there.  Don't believe me?  Well, that's what's happened in Guatemala, where the American Embassy has put an absolute and total embargo on facilitating the adoption of orphans by American families.  Why did they shut down this avenue?  Because there was so much money floating around, unscrupulous people in Guatemala were actually stealing infants from their parents, handing them over to an orphanage, who would then pay them a finders fee.  Supply and demand, kids.  If they start running short of actual orphans, they'll find them someplace else. It's just that simple.  The American Embassy decided it would not take part in such a shady operation, and forced the government to clean up their act.  This happened over a year ago, and to my knowledge, the government in Guatemala hasn't done a thing about it. 

When babies are simply a commodity to be bought and sold, as Madonna believes they are, instead of lives that could be better lived in another country, with another family, who simply wants to love and care for said life, it's not a "process," it's an auction.  We used to have such auctions, and the people who were auctioned off were called "slaves."  We abolished the institution of slavery because we believed it was morally wrong to place monetary value on human life; we believed it was morally wrong for a human life to be traded as a commodity.  Adoptions of this sort should be considered no different in this regard.  Because a child who is bought with money slipped under the table is no different than a slave bought at auction a hundred and seventy years ago.  Of course people will say, but the child was in an orphanage anyway; they're getting a better life out of the deal. 

Do you realize that that was precisely the same argument slavers in past centuries used to justify the taking of people from their homes, shackling them, and selling them to the highest bidder?   

Snort. 

On a somewhat related side note, yes, indeedy, that is the real Bobbi Battista, former CNN anchor, who disappeared from the airwaves, I suspect, somewhere around her fortieth birthday.  Good to see you, Bobbi.  You're looking good, and the people at CNN are idiots for getting rid of you.  I thought I was going to have to watch Contact---again---to be able to see you in all of your glory. 

BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

The "South of the Mason-Dixon Line Tour '09" has officially come to an end. Ticket sales were good, and while it was an absolute and positive success in terms of helping rid me of the neuropathies (I can type!  I can open jars!  I can eat with my right hand! I can get my wedding ring on! But, most importantly, THE PAIN IS GONE!), I am hoping I don't have to go back on the road anytime soon.  Keep your fingers crossed that nothing untoward happens between now and when spring actually hits because this business of flying all over hell and gone is a heck of a lot more expensive as a form of pain relief than is an insurance co-pay.  I am currently back in Cake Eater Land, and happy to finally be reunited with the husband, who, rather inconveniently for the romance situation, has a head cold.  No mind.   I am happy to be here. 

The weather here in Cake Eater Land is suprisingly nice.  It's warm, almost fifty degrees as I write this, and just about all of the snow has melted over the past four days or so says the husband.  He said there was eight inches of snow on our lawn last week, and now it's pretty much all gone.  I like that kind of development, but I suspect we'll get nailed again at least once before all is said and done. We always do. Personally, I think we deserve a nice long spring, after the appalling winter we've  they've gone through. (Although, I was here for the first three months of it, so I should have some say.)  Question is, though, will we get it?  Only time will tell. 

It was kind of crappy leaving Austin yesterday.  Full-on spring finally arrived just as I had to leave.  They're in a very bad drought in the Hill Country.  Just about everywhere in the region has a burn ban going on, and not too long ago there were some significant fires east of Austin, in Bastrop, where something like 15,000 acres burned---along with homes and businesses.  It was noticeable how dry everything was, and even if I hadn't been particularly observant, my sister and brother-in-law's running commentary about the lack of rain would have driven the point home.  Lakeway, where they live and work, northwest of Austin and situated on Lake Travis, is, partially, a vacation community, and they manage vacation properties.  When Lake Travis is down twenty feet, cancellations aplenty occur.  They want the lake level back up, and they want it back in a bad way.  So, last Wednesday, when it started raining, they were practically jumping up and down for joy.  And when it kept on raining, through Sunday morning, they were positively ecstatic.  Overall, there hadn't been enough rain to raise the level of the lake significantly, but it's a good start, and if nothing else, it allowed spring to really get going. 

Everything bloomed when the sun came out on Sunday.  The grass, the trees, bushes, you name it, greened up, and spring was in full swing. It was gorgeous, and that glorious cedar smell that pervades the area finally came out to play; all it needed to be coaxed out of hiding was some rain.  It finally hit me, about a week after I'd arrived, that something was missing in the dryness.  It was something important, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it---until it rained for about a half an hour one day and the smell I'd been missing wafted through the air.   It's a fragrant mixture comprised mostly of cedar, but there's also pine, watery, lake fragrances that waft in from the lake, blooming flowers, etc.  It's different depending upon what season it is, but the cedar is predominant, particularly in summer.  I love it.  The entire place smells like a cedar closet, but lighter and more natural---you know, except in the burning heat and humidity of summer, when it smells like the humidity has doused itself in a bottle of perfume.  

So, after all that, it was something of a shock to come back here.  Now, the weather is nice, particularly for mid-March, don't get me wrong, but after watching everything get a good wash over the past week in Austin, and to be rewarded with the glories of spring, it was kind of a bummer to have to leave it so soon, and to come face-to-face with large puddles, still-frozen lakes, and brown everything.

As far as the timing of my return is concerned, I had to get back for a check-up at Dr. Academic's place.  When I told them of my impending departure back in January, I had already scheduled my three-month-checkup.  I asked how long I could put it off, and they said, in a rather firm tone, that two weeks was fine, but a month would be bad.  Hence, I am back.  I go in for a CA-125 blood draw later today, and then because it takes three days to get the results back, I have my actual check-up on Friday.

Despite the inevitable doctor's office crap, it's good to be back.  And if this weather keeps on keeping on, it'll be even better. 

Who is this guy?

You can find the answer after the jump.have your cake and read more too!

Uhm...I actually forgot to take a picture of the bidet. Don't ask me how I managed to do that, considering the camera was in the next room, but, somehow, I did.

Yet, since I remembered it was a Kohler, I am magically able to recreate the bidet from the bathroom in the 8000 sq. ft. monster house in Bonita Springs. 

You ready?  Hold on to yourselves...here we go!

Ta-daaaaah!

It wasn't white, but rather I suspect it was the "Mexican Sand" finish Kohler has available.  

I didn't use the thing.  Anything that squirts water up your butt to wash it is, well, not something I would ever use unless I completely ran out of toilet paper.  And there wasn't any available at any store within a one hundred and twenty five mile radius.  I'm American.  Sue me. If I want to use large wads of lovely biodegradeable paper that comes on a roll, then I will, and no snotty European will be able to convince me to do otherwise.  So there.  Pffft. 

I honestly don't see what the eff is wrong with toilet paper, either.  We've got sewers.  We've got waste water plants.  We don't shit where we eat, and God only knows our system is better than what the Turks or the Bulgarians---not to mention the freakin' Chinese---have going on, so I really don't see what the problem is.  If anyone wants to complain that toilet paper is going to be the death of us all (yeah, you whacked out environmentalists, you), I would argue that, ahem, not having sanitary conditions really could be the death of us all.  You know, does the word cholera ring a bell?  Eh?  Oh, but that's right.  You enviro-whacko tree huggers would prefer we all die off anyway. 

But I digress.

I was curious as to how it worked, though, and just because I needed to run the water from it to get the sulfur smell out of it (And, no, I'm not joking; the water situation was baaaaaaad.  The fancy schmancy media room in the basement, which had loads of drain pipes running across the ceiling smelled bad.  Bleech.), I played with the stupid thing a bit. The handles, per usual, get the water to run, and it runs out the hole in the back.  You can pull the drain if you would like, or you may leave it open.  It's up to you.  If you want to wash your you-know-what, you take your designated washcloth from the handy towel rack, grab some soap, press down on the shaft-like thing at the back and water shoots up the little spigot at the front of the bowl, you do some scrubbing, and, voila!---you have yourself a shiny clean butt.

If you want to know more about bidets and how to use them.  Go here.  

Never let anyone tell you that Wikipedia isn't the end all, be all repository of human knowledge.  Because it is.   

Holy Crow...has it been a year already?

Happy 1st Birthday, Moses!  He is the Chosen One child of devoted Cake Eater commenters (and friends) Russ from Winterset and The Lovely Janice!

Although, one must ask the parents why is he pictured demolishing a cake when there are fake stone tablets to be had?  Come on, people.  Get with the program!  You could have had a fake golden calf in the background and Charleton Heston's beard and robes on the kid.  You could have sent out Easter cards with this image!  Everyone associates Easter with The Ten Commandments.  You named your kid Moses.  You're missing an opportunity here!  

Anyhoo...

Dearest Moses, may your day be filled with cake, bacon, stuffed animals, dry diapers and warm binkies! 

I find I'm a lot happier with life when I don't pay any attention to what Obama and his minions are up to.

Oh, sure, I know, the shit will hit the fan sooner rather than later, but in the meanwhile, life is quite peaceful, and even possibly contented, when I don't go into whole-hog news junkie mode.